Consequences of Stress on Children's Development

A stressor that makes a permeant impact on children and families is death. In 2011 my cousin’s husband died in a motorcycle accident he left behind my cousin and their two boys one was 5 the other 1. I remember seeing their older son at the funeral he was a stone he talked about his dad, but not about the current situation just about him as if he were alive. It was heart wrenching to see him try to process what was happening. He would approach the casket and talk to him as if he was a manikin not the remains of his dad. It was not until we were at the burial site that he final recognized the fact that his dad was gone. I will never forget this remark he looked to his mom and said “mom why did they close dad’s box he can’t breathe if they close it.” My cousin was very eloquent with her response she said “it’s okay because he is in heaven now his new lungs breath the same air as God so even though the box is closed he is alive even if we cannot see or touch him.” How she was able to respond to him and his need is beyond me. I remember at that point walking away to try to gather my emotions.

As time crept on he had many issues anger was the worst he was angry that he did not have a dad like the other children. My uncle, his grandpa, stepped in as both dad and grandpa being present at events that were for dad’s. He would always ask questions about when he would come back and why his helmet was not enough to keep him safe. These are all hard questions for adults and my heart would break each time he would ask these questions. As a family we banded together to offer support to my cousin and her boys. They also turned to the pastor at their church was able to support and offer some insight to the boys about the afterlife easing the ideas of what may have awaited when the box closed. Development of new relationships also helped heal the wounds. Three years ago my cousin met a man and he embraced the accident and taken the boys in as his own they were married a couple months ago. The older son talks openly to him and they discuss the accident since he is now almost 11 he understands the situation more and more. It is still difficult to explain at times about death and the permeants of it, but when handled in safe and supportive environment children can rise above and get through the difficult time.

A country I constantly hear about with casualties is Afghanistan. Since the war has begun over there the amount of civilians harmed is heart wrenching. According to UN Assistance Mission in Afghanistan (UNAMA) “The total civilian casualty figure recorded by the UN since 1 January 2009 through 30 June 2016 has risen to 63,934, including 22,941 deaths and 40,993 injured” (UN, 2016). This is an astonishing number of men, women and children who were innocent by standers. As a military spouse I follow the war in the middle east as my husband is on standby yet again to leave to fight for our freedom as well as the freedom of our allies. Little is said about the support of the communities as they go through the turmoil that is this war on their doorstep. My hope for them is they have the family ties and as always turn to a higher power at difficult times to get through them. As stated in the text from cognitive coping “factors in the child (especially problem-solving), in the family (consistency and care), and in the community (good schools and welcoming religious intuitions) all help children recover” (Berger K.S., 2016).

Berger, K. S. (2016). The developing person through childhood (7th ed.). New York, NY: Worth Publishers.

UN News Centre. 25 July 2016. Afghan civilian casualties hit half-year record, with 5,166 dead or maimed – UN. Retrieved from http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=54543#.WC2203eZNE4.